Trying to get pregnant when it seems so fleeting can be daunting at times. This list was initially inspired by Rebecca Smith Waddell and Lisa A. Kramer, who mentioned that “the world of infertility provides lots of hilarious inspiration.” Enjoy.
An urge to shake down your basal thermometer BEFORE recording your temperature in a futile attempt to work up a sweat and boost up your temperature; usually strikes late in the menstrual cycle about the time your temperature would naturally plummet before the onset of your dreaded period.
Furtive removal of all tight fitting briefs from your husband’s underwear drawer.
What you say to hubby (if his name is Max) as he prepares to ascend the mountain of pillows before him.
The impact of infertility treatments on one’s pocketbook.
The practice of timing intercourse to correspond with the timing of ovulation.
The step beyond boxers taken by truly devoted husbands with low sperm count.
Side effect of the uncomfortable act of propping up the buttocks after babysex.
Looking back to see what is happening as you get your shot!
Dreaded fear of saying the wrong thing to your wife when she is on fertility drugs.
Easily rattled emotional state brought on by hormone surges; especially symptomatic of women on fertility drugs.
Getting sick to your stomach while getting Metrodin shots.
How you feel when you’re having a bad day and you read someone’s post announcing their pregnancy and you are overcome with the urge to kill them.
The period of time between cycles when all of the insurance statements/doctor’s bills come in from the beginning of the cycle. Also a time to save $$ for the upcoming cycle.
What you learn to acquire when starting to chart your basal body temperature.
A womb with a view (for IVFers).
The secret vaginal hiding place where sperm hide when they are faced with fertilization anxiety; especially frequented by sperm avoiding the cervix swab during a postcoital test.
The idea (before trying to get pregnant) that one will get pregnant within a month or two, three at the most.
The magnetic area around all infertile women that draws expectant mothers into close viewing range. The first day of any cycle has the greatest magnetic field, closely followed by any day on which an infertile woman fails a pregnancy test.
The way pregnant women forget everything, sometimes even the fact that they were infertile.
A psychosomatic condition afflicting women during the two week waiting period; marked by a tendency to incorrectly attribute every bodily twinge and twitch to the early stages of pregnancy.
Loss of interest in sex due to lack of spontaneity in timing.
What you have to do to the sheets when hubby accidentally falls off the pillows at JUST the wrong moment.
Nickname for any friend of your husband’s who insists on extended sauna
sessions after playing squash.
Wining and complaining
Drinking LOTS of red wine while whining about another negative pregnancy test.