So, why do you hate infertility TODAY? (place to vent!!)

because even after it is **supposedly** resolved it really isn't.

I'm still begging for my baby as I kiss social workers asses trying to get finalized and approved for our adoption of a 5 year old

because all of my *friends* want to know what happened with her REAL parents It's none of their f'n business but nobody has any problem asking and eagerly looking at me to hear the tabloid-like details of my poor child's history. Too BAD! I'm not talking.

I know, a little ot.. but it never ends.

because I miss the old carefree me, before I was consumed with ttc...

Because I have to plan ANOTHER baby shower for someone that got pregnant 1+ years after we started trying. I just finished crying after the last shower I did for my BF.

Because I got the statement today for the credit card that auto deposits $75 monthly into an account for my kids college fund. I don't have a kid yet and have over $3,000 in there.

1) Because, today, I scheduled my fourth surgery in less than a year.

2) Because my DH is not going with me to this surgery because he's too exhausted from the process.

3) Because, instead of the new fence we had planned for this year, we got to pay for a bunch of only partially successful surgeries.

4) Because Halloween is around the corner, and I have a big bag of candy corn, which I can't quit eating as I obsess on Ovusoft!

Because I miss being part of a family. I miss my parents and cousins and aunts, all 1000 miles away. Because, after a failed IVF and months of depression, I have isolated myself from my "family" of friends here, because they all have families of their own and I don't fit in anymore. Because I take it personally when they don't invite me to their kids' birthday parties, but I also can't muster up the courage to go when I am invited. Because my one good friend with kids who knows about our TTC problems just invited me to her daughter's (second child's) first birthday party, knowing I was hurt when another friend didn't do the same and callously said "oh we didn't invite you b/c you know, it's a kid thing" - but I just don't know if I can do it, and if I don't then I will be truly isolated.

Because I had a great childhood and I want to share that kind of experience with a little one of my own. Because I want a family.

-Kristie

Because we can't fix up the "nursery" until I get pregnant, but at this rate, we won't have the money to do it.

Because my dad and my sister think my IF is "just stress" and that if I took vitamins and exercised I'd magically get pregnant

Because I too feel like a failure, even though I know this isn't my fault.

Because I regret my responsible TTA behavior for the past 10 years and find myself wishing I had "accidently" gotten pregnant even though I know that would have drastically changed my life

Because I can't seem to be happy about where my life is right now, even though it's actually pretty great.

Because it completely messes up my timeline for when I'll start my new job next year.

Because every time I see my MIL, she gives me crap for not producing more grandchildren for her EVEN THOUGH SHE KNOWS WE'RE HAVING FERTILITY PROBLEMS.

Because I want to be able to read the dozen baby books sitting on my shelf without bawling my eyes out.

Because I want to play with my 3-month old niece without everybody else in the room giving me pity stares.

Because I hate feeling like evolutionary garbage not worthy of reproduction.

I hate IF today because I'm starting to not have dreams of my future child(ren).

I have lots of baby supplies in my closet and can't use them.

Every child that I'm around is now a toddler. My baby is supposed to be 1 1/2 years old!

Insurance SUCKS!!!

We're going through this recession, and I don't care because I still want our babies.

I'm just starting IF treatment for the second time and it's already prolonging my cycles from the stress. Last cycle was 38 days! My normal is 28-29.

Because everyday I go to work, I see new families being made and the miracle of life, because I work in L&D as a nurse. I hope that these people are going to love their new baby as much as I love my yet to exist ones.

Because all I want to do is stare at my baby, to see who he/she looks like, what traits from my husband and I. I want to hold them on my chest and get the feeling that they feel safe in my arms.

Because, I know my husband will make a great father, and I feel like a failure because I haven't been able to give it to him.

Because, EVERYONE around me gets pregnant so easily and takes their pregnancy for granted.

Because, I've made changes to my life and taken consideration for the health of my unborn, and the people I know who are pregnant haven't done the same and aren't planning on it.

Because my HSG on Wednesday showed that my right tube is still open, why haven't we gotten again?

Thanks for the vent! Maybe now my will come.

Rosalynn

b/c I'm sick of the SE of the meds

b/c I feel like no one understands how I feel

b/c my baby should have been born already

b/c I'm sick of telling my 5 year old why he doesn't have a brother or sister when he asks.

b/c I'm sick of seeing new moms that don't really care they just had a baby, and the teen moms that still think the world revolves around them (post partum nurse)

b/c I'm sick of wondering why them and not me

b/c I want to be optimistic about our first IUI and its really hard to be.

b/c Its 2:15 a.m. and I'm working and very tired.

I'm sure I could come up with alot more, but I'll stop the pitty party for now.