Star's Space

New group

2010-06-04T23:45:00Z

I made a new group called Due In Feb 2011....just letting people know.

Things have been going pretty well. Not throwing up much anymore...I hope that's not a bad sign. Been having lots of loose stools (yeah TMI....sorry) though. Everything I eat seems to shoot right out of me. Wasn't sure if that is a normal pregnancy symptom....but after googling it I guess it is fairly common in your first trimester.

Still trying to stay upbeat and positive. I called the mid-wife I had wanted....had blogged about her before. She is not taking anymore clients after January I cannot really be upset though because she explained to me that she hasn't had a real break from delivering babies in 30 years! If anyone needed a break this women does! I am bummed though cause I really wanted to go with her. I have seen her in action, my sister sees her, and just about every women I know who has done a home birth has used her and loved her.

Oh well. We are going to make an app with my OB and just go from there. He is really good and I like him a lot. I just would like to do a home birth and am a bit unsure how he would feel about that. I cannot foresee him having an issue because he is more like a midwife than an OB. He has all the medical knowledge, but the bedside manner of a midwife. Plus he is a christian which makes it nice. I have been seeing him for over 6 years now. So we have a real good patient/doctor realtionship too.

On a plus side....my insurance will completely cover a home birth as long as I do not get listed as High Risk in my 3rd trimester.

Tomorrow I will be 5 weeks. I really wish I was already 13 weeks so I can relax more and not be so worried. Been praying every day and night (and in between) that the Lord will be gracious and let this baby stay.

My eggo is preggo

2010-06-01T22:26:00Z

Well after 16 consecutive days of high temps I finally broke down and took a test while in Texas....the day we where driving home in fact...and surprise! Its positive. Just goes to show you that the "oops" of forgetting the condom 2 days before ovulation results in a those wonderful 2 pink lines.

Symptoms are really sore breasts, bloated, fatigue, missed period, throwing up, and having to pee like no other. I am really REALLY hoping this is a good sign that this baby is here to stay! I am also having real bad heart burn. Like I can hardly eat anything with out feeling the burn and it coming back up. This afternoon I threw up in my mouth too....lovely huh?

I have a good feeling about this one! DH and I decided to be really happy and excited about this one right away because no matter how long we get to have this baby....it is a blessing that we are incredibly happy about. I and my family are praying that the Lord will allow this baby to stay and that this pregnancy will be healthy. His will will be done and I know I could lose this one...but I am very hopeful and positive that He will allow us to keep His child. To keep this beautiful blessing.

Please keep me in your prayers that this little bean will be super sticky!

Pregnant?

2010-05-29T00:51:00Z

Is in Texas visiting family for a wedding. I am literally surrounded by pregnant women. Seriously. Two of the brides maids are pregnant (one with twins). My sister-in-law is pregnant...............................and I might be too.

Remember oops? I am in the 2ww.....and I have really sore breasts, increased urination, fatigue, period is going to be late if it doesn't come tomorrow, increased appetite, and large doses of nausea.

I will be testing when we get home. We will be driving home Monday. So Tuesday at the earliest. I am in 12 DPO with constant high temps.

Please pray that if i am pregnant that the Lord will allow me to keep this baby. I know its His will and His will will be done....but I really want this one to stay.

oops

2010-05-14T18:37:00Z

Well DH and I messed up. We had a lovely wonderful session of love making yesterday afternoon....and both of us totally forgot about the condom . Oops. On a peak fertile day too. I guess we will just have to see in a few weeks if I get a period. My temp went up this morning to 97.6.

I feel stupid, we have been working so hard to ensure that we do not get pregnant until we see this midwife...and then we go and forget the condom.

However, if we do get pregnant I will not be upset...just nervous and scared that we will miscarry again. Every baby is a gift from the Lord, no matter how long I get to keep them. I just honestly do not want to go through another miscarriage...I mean who does?

So I guess we will just have to keep charting and temping and see what happens.

97.3 for 3 days and holding...

2010-05-13T21:22:00Z

Its been awhile. I have been struggling with allergies and anxiety. Yay what a combo Twice in this last week I woke up feeling that if I get out of bed something horrible will happen. Tuesday was so bad that my mom had to come take the kids. Having worked over 4 years with a psychiatrist I know "better" than to feel this way........but it doesn't mean I do not feel it.

On other news...I have been charting my temp. However something fishy seems to be going on. The last 3 days I have had the same temp at 97.3. I have been taking my temp every morning at 7am (have my phone set to go off) and have been getting the standard 3+ hours of sleep before I temp (usually I have at least 7hrs under my belt when I temp). 1st day I had 97.7, next day 97.7, next 97.5, and now 3 days in a row...97.3. I am definitively been having Peak CF since Tuesday, so I suppose I should start seeing an rise soon. Also had some intense ovulation pain on Tuesday. Also now that I am charting I have realized that DH and I have A LOT of !!! I guess I never realized just how often we are getting it on. Lol. Its a good thing

I am not going to get too worried about my temps considering this is my first chart and I didn't start temping until CD12. Hopefully my next cycle chart will show me more and what I need to know. I am hoping to have 3 full charts to take with me when I see the midwife I had been talking about. Tomorrow I am going to the Medicaid office and applying. Since DH still doesn't have steady employment....just odd jobs here and there....we should qualify. She accepts Medicaid and I am really anxious to see her and find out what we can do to be able to start TTC again. I am so hopeful that she can help us to have a safe pregnancy that results in an a baby...not miscarriage. And I want to have a baby so badly.

Babies are everywhere. Seriously.

Need advice about CF issues.

2010-05-06T22:33:00Z

HELP! I am having issues with my cervical fluid. I am CD9 and I had the normal two days of dry CF after my period. Then Tuesday I had the typical sticky/gummy kind ...but then yesterday (Wednesday) I had in the morning sticky, yellow, gummy CF. In the afternoon I had classic wet, egg white, stretchy CF. I had the egg white CF all afternoon. Then that evening I had creamy, off white lotion looking CF. ????????? What is the deal? Which one do I chart? I probably shouldn't be having the egg white CF yet right? Not at least for another 4-6 days is what I was thinking. Is it common to range between 3 different types of CF in one day???

Then today I was standing in my mom's kitchen had a very sharp strong pain right where my ovaries are. What the??? I shouldn't be ovulating this soon should I? My last 3 cycles where 31 days, 36 (I ovulated late due to some major stress), and then 29. I have only had these 3 cycles since I had my last miscarriage.

I am worried now because DH and I are still trying to not get pregnant, but we have had Tuesday and Monday. Without using condoms. We normally do not use condoms until closer to when I am usually fertile. If I ovulated early....then we had yesterday on a fertile day

Oh sheesh I wish I had my BBT thermometer already and was able to chart my temp changes. And its not that we will be upset if we got pregnant....I just wanted to wait till we worked out my medical issues so to avoid another miscarriage.

At this point we are just going to have to trust in the Lord and put it all in His hands....not like it hasn't been anyway.

If anyone has any insight into this I would really apperciate it! Thank you!

To hope or not to hope?

2010-05-04T19:24:00Z

I woke up feeling "weird" this morning. And so totally fatigued. Like I hadn't slept in days....DH let me sleep till 10:30. Then the coughing started and now I can hardly breathe. My wheezing is so bad DH says he may take me to the ER. I told him to just get me some Claritin-D. Funny cause pollen counts are super low today. Not sure what caused my allergies to flare, but what ever it was is a total jerk.

Wheezing is a bit less since taking the Claritin. DH went to drop off resumes and fill out applications. I hope he gets home soon cause I just honestly feel like crap.[:'(] But I cannot complain either cause he really does need to get a job.

I spent most of the night crying...this month is just so hard. I should have my little baby in my arms.

A friend from church who get pregnant a week before I did just had her son...and I am so happy for her. I just cannot help but wish I had my baby too

I am anxious to get my thermometer...is that weird? I just am anxious to see if I have Luteal Phase Defect. I am hoping in about a month I can go see this mid-wife who deals a lot with women and fertility problems. My sister just saw her and said she loved her. My sister asked her about my Prolactin problems and the mid-wife said she deals with a lot of women who have my problem and is confident she can help me with it. And help me to have a healthy pregnancy in spite of it. She told my sister that she just delivered a baby from a women who has my problem. This is gives me hope. Plus if I can get off the meds and do some natural stuff to help my problem I would feel so much better. The side affects of this Bromocriptine are just horrid.

Plus the reason DH and I are WTC is because of my med issues and if this mid-wife knows how to help me then we can start TTC and maybe even get our baby

And yet at the same time we are trying to be cautious about hoping too much and thinking this mid-wife is going to have the miracle cure. I think I just need some hope right now. Since the 2nd I just have had like no hope about ever having a baby.

DH just called and is almost home. Thank the Lord! I need a shower and a nap....I feel just so weird and loopy. At least we got half our home school done, so I am not a complete lazy butt today.

I want to get off this rollercoaster now please

2010-05-03T21:56:00Z

My thermometer has been shipped! Yay.

I read just about everything TCOYF book had to say on temp taking. I think I might be prepared lol. I had several dreams last night that after charting for awhile I discovered that I had everything wrong. I think I am paranoid

DH and I spent quite a bit of time laying in bed talking this morning. I realized that I am STILL trying to figure out what I did wrong to cause the two miscarriages. We talked a lot about how me blaming the miscarriages on "something I must have done wrong" is not helping me heal. We talked about how I need to forgive his sister for saying that my miscarriages where "due to unrepentant sin".

Its funny cause I know the right answers, but that doesn't mean they penetrate my heart. I know I didn't do something to cause the miscarriages. I know that is was most certainly not punishment from God for some "unrepentant sin" (my God is not a cruel God!). I know that two miscarriages does not necessarily mean I will never have another baby.

But how do I transfer the knowing into believing? Its been just over 3 months since #2 and 6 months since #1.....when will I actually be ok? Some days I feel like I am ok and things are good....we can have another baby and the two miscarriages where just something that happens. Other days (more like weeks) I am certain that I will never be able to be pregnant and stay pregnant. That everything is not ok and I just wish I could crawl into a hole or cave or something. A place where there is no pregnant women. A hole where miscarriage doesn't exist. A hole where there is no pain and no hurt. The only place like that I know of is heaven and the Lord hasn't called me home yet.

DH and I also talked about his desire to try again. He says he feels guilty because he wants a baby and for us to try again....but that means if we have another miscarriage its ME who has to go through the physical turmoil, not him (his words). He said he is supposed to protect me and when I had the miscarriages there was nothing he could do but hold me. I told him that was all I needed...was for him to be there for me and love me. To support me while I went through that pain, sorrow, and hurt. He said that he is glad he could do that for me........but he wants to protect me from it ever happening again. So hence he feels guilty that he wants a baby which means I might possibly have to suffer again.

So basically we are both stuck in a cycle of desire and fear. Should we wait or should we try?

Does this ever get better?

Charting

2010-05-02T22:19:00Z

Well our internet connection is so slow sometimes (our neighbor lets us use his since DH lost his job) that I just had to suck it up and buy the charting software to download. YAY! Now I can actually chart properly instead of waiting 5 min to see if it took the changes and updates.

And the BBT thermometer is in the mail. Double YAY I am starting to feel "official" lol.

Now I can hopefully unlock the mystery behind my cycles. Is it 29 day cycle? A 36 day? Or somewhere in between?

DH and I are still trying to not get pregnant....yet today at church I literally felt surrounded by pregnant women. And its those times I just look at their bellies and desire to be pregnant sooooooooooo bad

Well maybe someday. I think the consensus is to try again in July. I hope DH gets a job soon so we can get back on insurance and I can get this stupid prolactin issue taken care of. I want to try Chaste Berry....but it clearly says to not be on any other meds for high prolactin when taking. I want to talk to the OB before weaning off the Bromocriptine.

That is all.

1st Post-First time for everything.

2010-05-01T19:53:00Z

This is my first blog post. I should start off with telling about my family.

I am a married mother of 2. My husband and I married on July 11th 2009! We have two beautiful girls, Janelle (9) and Meredith (3). Both are a handful, but are our joy! Biologically they are not my husband's....but he loves them like they are his very own flesh and blood.

My husband and I decided to start trying for #3 as soon as we married. We do not believe chemical/medication birth-controls are right for us. I personally become a psycho on BC. We never thought we would have a problem getting pregnant since I already had no problems getting pregnant with the two girls. In August we discovered that we were pregnant and were very happy. In early October I started spotting and went in for an u/s. The technician could not find anything other than a sac and diagnosed it as a Blighted Ovum. My OB (who is AWESOME btw) decided to wait and repeat the u/s in 3 weeks. We went in and they found the fetus, but they baby had died very early on and the sac for some reason kept growing. A few days later I started heavily bleeding at 8 1/2 weeks and passed naturally without need of DNC (which my OB is against unless it is absolutely necessary).

We decided to wait the traditional 3 cycles before getting pregnant again, but after only 2 cycles we discovered I was again pregnant. We found out at just 5 weeks and at 6 weeks I started bleeding real heavy. We again passed naturally without the need of a DNC on January 30th 2010

I was diagnosed with High Prolactin when Janelle was 2. They started me on bromocriptin....but I had such major headaches that I was put on Dostinex which worked great. My OB told me to wean off a month before we married so I could get pregnant and not miscarry. I weaned off, but still miscarried. I went back on the dostinex, but when DH lost his job we could no longer afford the 4 tablets a month at $225 out of pocket. I went off the Dostinex again and then miscarried #2. My OB re-tested my levels and I was at a 78 a month after the 2nd miscarriage (not the highest I have ever been at). He had me go back to Bromocriptin since its A LOT cheaper....but it has unpleasant side effects.

So now its been 3 cycles since my second miscarriage and DH and I are struggling whether we wait till we get insurance again and can stay on top of the prolactin issues..........or should we try again now? We are terrified of another miscarriage, but at the same time there are babies EVERYWHERE and we just want one so bad.

We have been using the FAM method with success to keep from getting pregnant. I am just so unsure what to do.

I want DH to be able to watch his child grow in my tummy....I want to see the joy on his face when he watches his baby be born. I feel like I am broken, that I have these stupid medical issues which is stealing our joy. I want to give him what other dads get so bad, but feel like I have cheated him out of something so precious. He says he doesn't feel that way and that he loves our girls....he reassures me all the time. He is such a wonderful husband. However I cannot help but feel like I did him wrong by having these miscarriages.

Life goes on....does it not? My heart hurts, my heart loves, I have sorrow, I have joy....and the world keeps turning. "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord."