One of the FEW perks of IVF and FETs is that there's no longer a 2WW.  Instead I'm in the 10DW - the 10-day wait between my FET and my beta. 

So my first FET was yesterday, about 5 1/2 weeks since the official BFN in what I thought was a near-perfect IVF cycle.  I remember being soooo disappointed to find out I'd have to wait this long for the transfer, and it's hard to believe it's finally here!

Through most of this cycle, I actually had a hard time dealing with how hands-off it was.  With the IVF cycle, I always felt so actively involved.  It gave me this sense of control over my fertility, like I was actually DOING something.  The FET cycle was actually really difficult because there was nothing to DO except take a couple of pills every day.  But as the ET date grew closer, I realized that physically my body was in much better shape this time around.  I'm not bruised and battered and over-stimulated and constipated and exhausted.  So I went the opposite route this time and just tried to RELAX (and eat TONS of fiber, lol). 

I got an amazing relaxation massage on Monday night.  Then I went to work for only a couple of hours Tuesday morning.  DH picked me up at school and we drove to the RE clinic, where the acupuncturist was meeting me.  I made DH leave the building this time because there was no way I was going to relax and breathe and meditate with him sitting in the room staring at me, and I kick him out of the room before I go into stirrups anyway!  So I undressed from the waist down, laid back, and let this woman poke needles in me!  I have no aversion to needles (who really could after going through IVF), but it was a little weird having them in my ears and forehead!  The needles stayed in for a while, and whether it was psychosomatic or not, I did feel very relaxed.  At times I also felt like I could feel my blood pumping.  Of course I was also on valium, so who knows what caused that!

A bit later it was time for the transfer and i was SUPER-excited that my favorite doctor was doing the transfers that week.  He's got the best bedside manner and isn't afraid to be optimistic.  My official RE seems like she's just afraid to give anyone false hope.  She'll never say much about what your chances are, or make any kind of prediction about how your cycle will go or how many eggs you'll get or whatever.  Whereas Dr. J predicted my entire cycle last time, and was correct.  He was the first one to tell me he thought I'd get 10-15 eggs, even with my AFC of 7.  He wasn't afraid to tell me how many mature eggs I'd get either, even though the other RE wouldn't give an answer the day prior.  So I just appreciate that he's optimistic without crossing the line into making promises he can't keep!

The transfer went SO smoothly.  I have a tilted uterus and last time Dr. F had a difficult time getting the catheter in.  I'd also had waaaay too much to drink last time and was in MAJOR pain.  This time I didn't even make a point to drink water.  I just went to the bathroom before work and didn't go again and that turned out to be fine.  Anyway, Dr. J put the catheter right in, it went right where it was supposed to, and I didn't feel a thing.  (The acupuncturist said it could be because the acu is supposed to relax the whole uterus).  The embryologist said she thawed the two best quality embies, both survived the thaw, and we still have nine on ice.  Before I knew it, the embies were transfered and the doc was showing me where they were on the ultrasound!  I was probably in the room less than 10 minutes.  The doctor was SO optimistic.  He said everything looked great and went perfectly and he felt really good about my chances.  What made me feel really good was that he said even by chance this cycle didn't work, he felt pretty confident I'd be successful with the embies I have and probably shouldn't need another IVF cycle, based on what he's seen in the past.  For just a moment, I was able to go back to thinking about WHEN I'll get pregnant instead of IF I'll get pregnant.  That IF has been haunting me ever since this stupid High FSH diagnosis.  He also said that in "young" patients like myself (nice to still be considered young!) the frozen rates and the fresh rates at their clinic are identical.  Woohoo!  I'm just happy that he feels so hopeful about this cycle because he's been right every step of the way.  I think he's my good luck charm!  WHEN I get pregnant this cycle, I'm totally buying the shirt from cafepress that says, "My doctor knocked me up" in honor of Dr. J!

So afterward I was wheeled back out, declined the bedpan (yeah!) and did the second acupuncture session.  I completed the required one hour of bedrest at the doc's and then went home to be on bedrest for the rest of the day.  I was able to stay in bed and relax and didn't really need to get up, so that was nice.  Last cycle I had major tummy issues on the day of the transfer (the iVF meds REALLY beat up my digestive system), and I was always convinced that's why the pregnancy didn't take.  Dumb I know, but still I'm glad to see those issues aren't plaguing me this cycle so far!

So things went about as smoothly as I could have hoped for.  Now I just keep taking progesterone shots and WAITING.  Waiting waiting waiting...  Wouldn't you think I'd be used to that by now?  My beta will be next Friday, April 16.  The timing of all of this is significant because the due date of my miscarriage would have been April 26.  I so desperately want - NEED - to be pregnant by April 26.  I don't know how I'm going to face that day without at least the hope of being pregnant again.  I NEVER would have thought I wouldn't be pregnant by April 26, but here I am.  Of course if I'd known during my m/c that it would have taken this long, I don't think I would have made it through.  So it's probably better I went month to month thinking I'd get pregnant easily.

So anyway, nine more days to go and in the meantime I will be praying that this is FINALLY going to be it for me.

Thanks so much to those of you who read this, listen, commiserate, offer your thoughts and prayers.  It means a lot.