How come I mostly blog when I'm cranky?  Must because I have things to get off my chest.

So our alleged "oops" last month resulted in a BFN.  I was both disappointed and relieved at the same time.  In equal measures.  It really wouldn't have been the best timing - we have a huge event coming up at work in mid February, so having a Feb 1 due date would have been pretty inconvenient.  But still, I was sad.  I was very good, very careful about what I did -- the last part of my TWW was the first part of our vacation, so no alcohol, no hot tubs, etc. etc.  Once AF came (sucks to get AF on vaca, dude), I let loose some more and treated myself to wine, champagne and the hot tub/steam room/ sauna at the hotel spa.  Which was nice and indulgent. 

Speaking of AF arriving on vacation, I can't tell you how much using the Diva Cup has changed my life.  In former days I would have totally panicked about having to travel, especially internationally during my period.  I had a very unfortunate "leakage" accident during a flight to Europe once and it was highly embarrassing and not fun.  I feel freed by the Diva Cup, being able to put it in and forget about it.  So easy, and so little to pack!  So though AF sucks, especially on vacation, it really was not so bad.

Now we are back from vacation and I'm winding up to O next week sometime, probably W-F sometime.  We should begin the BDing this weekend, I think - dependant on when I get my EWCM.  I am excited and nervous, but I am also very jet lagged, and that is resulting in a bit of a depression.  And that leads to my silly, self-indulgent story of the day.

Last night, DH and I forced ourselves to stay awake until 9pm to combat the jet lag and get readjusted faster.  We fell asleep immediately at 9 when we crawled into bed.  At 11pm I was woken up by the sound of belching.  DH has a pretty sensitive stomach, so it is not uncommon for him to be woken up by gaseous emissions - either from the front end or the back end.   I also had happened to leave all the doors open to keep the air flow going - it was quite warm upstairs.  I thought about reminding him to close the bathroom doors and our bedroom door if he found that he needed to get up in the night, but I didn't want to be a nag, so I just didn't say anything.  Well, he had closed the door between our bedroom and the bathroom, but left open the door between the bathroom and the rest of the upstairs loft as well as the door between our bedroom and the rest of the upstairs loft.  The upstairs loft is a large open space with wood floors, and as we just moved into this place, it doesn't have much in the way of furniture or decor.  So it is very loud and echoey, a veritable amphitheatre, which perfectly amplified the sound of DH's enormous belches. 

This went on for 10 minutes as I got wider and wider awake, and madder and madder.  I was so mad, that when he came back to bed, I pretended to be asleep and refused to cuddle up to him.  That'll show him.  Except that within 10 seconds after he laid back down, he was twitching in that telltale way that meant he was fast asleep.  At this point, I was wide awake.  it was just after 11pm.  I laid there, wide awake until about 2am, listening to him softly snore and murmur happily.  First I got madder and madder at him.  I thought about waking him up to make him share in my misery.  Then I realized that that was stupid, he'd just be tired and and cranky like me in the morning.  I tried going downstairs, going online, listening to relaxing music, drinking warm milk, going to the bathroom, etc. etc.   I was SO ANGRY that he was sleeping and I was awake and it was his fault that I was awake.

I realized I was never going to fall asleep angry.  So I started to list off the things I love about him, like counting sheep, and pretty soon, I put myself to sleep. 

Until 4:30am, when he stirred violently, and woke me up again.  And again I was wide wide wide awake.  So I got 2 blocks of about 2 hours of sleep each.

I realize that I will have to do this type of thing and function properly whith a baby.  But the fact is, I do not have a baby, I have a man.  And I shouldn't have to deal with this!  Blah.

Mostly this is just the jet lag talking.  I just want to be able to sleep, get some rest, so that we can enjoy the BDing this weekend!  And so that the stress of not sleeping and jet lag won't delay my O!  I really am excited about TTC... I just need to get past this temporary malaise to get back to the excitement.