I have been freaking out for the past week that I am pregnant.  Irrational?  Yes.  Well... probably.  As I mentioned last post, we were strong.  We used protection on my two most perfect fertile days of a great looking cycle.   And then my temps went up and the egg was gone.

And then, on Friday, I had some sharp-ish pains low in my abdomen.  Like, in my uterus.  On Saturday, I had this feeling of fullness with very little appetite.  When I did eat, I was nauseous, with heartburn, and much burping.  These symptoms of pinching in my uterus, nausea, heartburn, burping (my usual PMS gas is, erm, at the other end), and mild cramping continued through the weekend and into this week.  I was also irritable, emotional.  I have tested four times, all stark white BFN, each time stressing out more.  How could this have happened?  a condom failure, pre-ejaculate with sperm in it...?  It was shaking me and my faith in FAM to the core.

The dam broke yesterday (9dpo). DH called to say he was on his way home and that work had made him grumpy, and this caused me to burst into tears.  I then viewed this over-emotionality as yet another pregnancy symptom when I should absolutely *not* be pg, which made me panic and cry even more...  DH rushed home and scooped me up in his arms.  He said, "What are you not telling me?" (He knows me so well!  I can't hide from him.)  I led off with "I'm not pregnant!  But I have all these symptoms...  I've had these symptoms all week!"  He smiled and held me close and said, "Well, if you are pregnant, we'll be happy!  It's good news!"  Which I guess was what I was worried about, that if I was, he would doubt me and FAM and be angry because a pg this month would alter some plans (as posted about in the past).  He held me as I buried my face in his shoulder and said, "Hey - one day, real soon, you are going to look at those tests and see only one line like you did today.  And you'll be really mad!"  Did I mention how well he knows me?  Then he did something silly which made me giggle, and things got better.

For the rest of the night, he kept joking, "Well, you're pregnant, so..." and laughing.  Then finally just before bed he was serious, and said, "You're not pregnant."  I said, "I know," because deep down I know that the probability is about zero.  Then he said, "I know [FAM] works." The show of faith made me SO happy.

DH doesn't always handle things well, but from top to bottom of this issue, he was an absolute gem.  He said and did all the right things.  I think he really is ready to try for a baby, and next month, or the month after that, I know he'll be right by my side, looking for that second line.

As for my symptoms, they've all seemed to go away today, other then my standard PMS sore bbs.  So I have no idea whatever what was up with my GI tract the past week.  AF is due Monday or Tuesday, but DH is leaving on Monday morning for another business trip, so I might take one final test on Monday (14dpo) so that if we're wrong, I'll be able to tell him in person before he leaves.

As my differential equations professor used to say, "It's not impossible, it's just that the probability is zero."