I originally started posting my story in the "Ambivalent Avoiders" Buddy Group, but I realized that I wanted to keep a record of this stuff all in one place for myself.  I have a blog that's prepared to share with my family and friends, but this TTA/TTW/TTC journey is something I don't really want to put out there for people who will put pressure on the situation.  So here are the first 3 entries, and hopefully, this is the beginning of a beautiful TTA/TTW/TTC journey for me and my wonderful husband.

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I feel like I am the definition of "ambivalent avoider." DH and I were married in August 2009, and we are really enjoying just being married and being together. Most of our dating and about half of our engagement was spent as a long-distance relationship (DH in Boston, and me in either Denver or houston), and now that we're together in Denver, finally, we're just happy to be "just us."

And that's all well and good, and it *is* fun, but that is literally the only reason that we are TTA. If DH has his way, we would wait until we were married two years to have the baby, so in his mind, we should start TTC nine months before that. On the other side of that argument, we have me who is nervous that we we'll have trouble concieving - both of our mothers had issues with conceiving and miscarriages, and I have had borderline PCOS in the past. So I'm not sure his conviction that "if we want a baby in August, we should TTC in December!" is as foolproof as he thinks. Not to mention I just have plain old baby fever, and would like to build a family with my awesome DH!

Theoretically, I'd be okay with starting to TTC on or around our first anniversary (1 August), which he's mostly okay with - only 3 months ahead of his schedule. Ideally though, we have a big vacation planned for May, and I think that would be an excellent time to "be less careful."

In spite of pulling in the wrong direction on when we should TTC, DH is being a real trooper about getting himself educated on this stuff by asking me questions about TCOYF and FAM, reading some books on his own, and suggesting that we talk to his (retired) parents about their role in child care, as I am planning to continue to work, at least part time, after Junior arrives. I'm also trying to lose 30 pounds or so in preparation for baby, so I'm trying to focus my baby-wanting energies on that.