allisoninfl

where in the world is my cycle?

2010-09-18T19:47:00Z

Seriously...where is it? Ok, so, yes, I am still breast feeding. But Jude only nurses right before bed, and that's it. And, yes, I've enjoyed not having to worry about AF for, wow, over two years now. But never did I imagine that at almost 17months postpartum, there'd be no AF in sight. Crazy... And I miss it. Not exactly getting my period, but just having the clear option to get pregnant. We were really thinking that when Jude was around a year, we'd start trying again. A year has come and gone, and still no ovulation. Several times I really thought it could have happened. And several times, I even thought I might be pregnant. But no. Nothing.

Two of my best friends are pregnant with their firsts, and I would love love love to be pregnant at the same time as them, but it's just not happening. I'm trying to be really laid back about it, and just enjoy right now...but somedays I just have to wonder what my body is up to, you know. It'll happen, and I just need to relax and come to terms with the fact that it's completely out of my hands anyway.

On the bright side, Jude is such a sweet little girl. It seems like every day she makes a new discovery and starts something new. She is talking so much these days. Her language and sign language have really taken off, and she says whole phrases now like, "I like my stool," "Clean up," and "I love you, too." She loves to see little babies, and it is just adorable to see her say and sign "baby, baby, baby." I want to get her a little baby doll to play with, but I was really hoping we'd be pregnant again soon, and that we'd give her a baby doll to celebrate a new sibling on the way. Is that silly to hold off for that?

'tis the season

2009-12-06T01:55:00Z

I just love Christmas. I really do. The decorating, the baking, the wrapping presents, the songs....and on top of all that stuff, there's the magnitude of God's gift to us through Jesus. And everything is extra exciting this year because it's Jude's first Christmas.

Last week, FIVE different couples we're friends with found out they are pregnant (or announced they are pregnant, they may have found out earlier). That's just crazy...but I am super excited for them all. Also last week I took a just in case HPT (because I just had a funny feeling), and it was negative. I was a little sad and a little relieved. It really would be too soon, but part of me is so anxious to start trying again. I still haven't had a PPAF, but sometimes I feel like my body is gearing up to O. DH and I have talked about waiting until Jude is at least 9 months (because I want to nurse for at least one year) to start trying...but who knows if my cycle will even be back then.

A weird realization: this is the first year that we haven't been pregnant for Christmas since we've been married. Sometimes I feel awkward bringing up those pregnancies that ended in miscarriages, but they are an important part of my life....

caffeine free?

2009-11-18T22:13:00Z

I decided last week that my soda addiction must come to an end. I've had a love-hate relationship with soda for far too long. And because of my migraines lately, I've become dependent on a daily dose of caffeine, and I don't like it. I've also been really convicted lately about my food/drink choices because I want to set a good example for my daughter. Already at 6 months she is VERY interested in what I am eating and drinking.

Today is day 5 without soda. Monday I had an awful migraine that even made me sick, but today and yesterday I only have a dull headache, so I'm hoping I'm through the worst of the withdraws.

I'm trying really hard to get Eb to do this with me. I would love for us to be a soda-free family. But he is not super excited about the idea.

I feel old.

2009-11-15T04:53:00Z

So there's this wild party going on down our street. I guess it's not even midnight yet, so I shouldn't be complaining, but...just the fact that I'm slightly annoyed about it makes me feel old. So. Incredibly. Old.

I also recently rediscovered my old livejournal from college. So I've been reading through some of that and missing my younger days a little bit. I love love LOVE my new life as a mom, and I would not trade it for anything--but sometimes I miss the crazy amount of free time I once had and the ability to just do whatever with it. I also miss having real friends I got to spend real time with.

And then I remember, oh my gosh, this is the life I've always wanted. I have always wanted to be a SAHM, to be married, to have a family. This has been my dream...and I'm living it now. I am so thankful for my husband and my daughter. My life is great.

At times I almost forget what we went through to get to this point. Maybe I don't mean "forget," exactly. Everything is crystal clear--I can remember exactly how each miscarriage felt in detail--but when the events play over in my head, it almost feels like it happened to someone else and not me. It's hard for me to wrap my head about the fact that each time, we just got through it. Somehow. We had to. And now that we actually have our daughter, it's like there's this weird disconnected feeling about those previous pregnancies. Those three other babies.

breakin' all the rules tonight

2009-11-12T05:03:00Z

So I developed this list of "rules" for myself, in an effort to be more healthy/productive in general with my life as a SAHM. However, tonight DH is gone, and I have broken several of my own rules. I guess because no one is here to see me break them....?

Anyway, here's the list of rules, or maybe I should say goals, I came up with for myself:

1. No eating and/or snacking after 10pm. Eat a good snack before we give Jude her bath, but after 10, I just need to drink water.

2. Go to bed within an hour of when Jude goes to sleep. Spend this hour wisely--quality time with DH, reading, or journaling.

3. Limit playing on the internet to times when Jude is nursing.

4. Use naptime constructively: dishes, laundry, dinner prep, pick up and put away.

5. Keep my priorities straight. One of the easiest ways I can show God's love to others in this season of my life is to be a loving wife and mother.

And even though I haven't quite made all my goals today, tomorrow is a new day, and Jude is sleeping sweetly in her room, and DH should be home soon.