TCOYF

Wanting a sibling for our daughter

seaholly — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 12:53:00 GMT

I'm 37. Our daughter is two and a half now. Difficult labour and birth. Limited after care given - never managed to breastfeed which still makes me cry to this day. I exclusively expressed for 14 months and am wondering whether this could have affected me hormonally.

It appears that I'm not ovulating regularly, if at all. I've just started charting for the second cycle. My periods came back when my dd was 12 months, almost to the day but have been decidedly wonky ever since. Longest month: 44 days. Shortest month: 26 days. They last for up to 8 days now. Sometimes light and sometimes what I would consider normal. Also have nasty migraines which I believe occur around the end of my so-called period and last 3 to 4 days :(

Have made appointment with my GP to have a look into what's going on. This will be my second appointment. With the first, I was told "You're the right side of forty. Have sex every other day. periods are different after you have given birth". Stultifying lack of interest. This time, I'm pushing for some tests because if I have a hormone problem, then I'll happily pay for the drugs to sort them out.

Have also booked in for a course of reflexology because I've heard it can be beneficial to those ttc. I had shiatsu as a teenager which worked wonders for my migraines back then. So, although I'm not convinced by reflexology, I'm willing to give it a try.

I really don't want my daughter to be without a sibling.

New to TYOCF with a lot of questions!

rbmk1984 — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 22:07:00 GMT

My husband and I live in Guatemala where I teach, and I am waiting for a friend to bring me a copy of TYOCF, but I'm afraid I won't get it for another two months. I've been charting and trying to piece together bits and pieces of information about temperature and cervical fluid and such, but I still have so many questions.

Is there somewhere where I can find a basic outline of what the temperatures mean? I understand the general concept, but wonder about how to define a coverline, how many days after ovulation I should see a peak, etc. I'm not trying to get out of paying for the book, I just can't get a copy easily -- or any time soon!

I've stayed away from blogs and forums as much as possible in the past several months of TTC, thinking that it would help me not be consumed with planning and worrying... but who am I kidding? I'm going to be consumed anyway! Might as well have some company, right?

I'm also wondering if anyone else has had painful follicle cysts and still been able to conceive? I get 3-5 cm cysts every month around the time of ovulation. (I've had ultrasounds done in the past, before TTC, when the pain kept me from being mobile.) My gynecologist says they shouldn't keep me from conceiving, but I'm beginning to wonder. We've only been actively trying for 4 months, but because we had to wait for 7 months before that for our insurance to be approved, it's been consuming my thoughts for much longer. If I hear one more person tell me that I need to just stop worrying and relax, or try to not think about it so much, someone's shins are going to end up getting bruised.

TTC no period 52 days

amberbamber — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 04:23:00 GMT

So I stopped taking the pill and had my normal period at 37 days...now during me 2nd cycle I'm on day 52 with no period and many negative pregnancy tests.....what the heck is going on??..i get cramps once in awhile like i might have my period but nothing happens..i might call my obgyn tomorrow for an appt...any advice??

"Just forget about it and it will happen 2"

Suebaby14 — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 16:37:00 GMT

So get this....

My one and only friend who was in the same boat as myself - unexplained infertility - has just told me that she is now pregnant. GREAT! That leaves me all by myself in trying to deal with this situation that has yet again been thrown at my face. She called to tell me on the phone and to be honest, all I could do was start crying. She was so happy and so excited to tell me the news....and all I could get out of me was a whimper and a quiet congratulations. I am happy for her...really I am, but I just could not take the news...it was as if all the light around me faded at that exact moment. I am all by myself in this now....all alone....no one I can talk to, no one who understands what I am going through, no one to sympathize.

Even more frustrating is the fact that she threw at me the one and only comment that just eats at me...."You just have to forget about it Sue and it will happen...look at us!". Ok - so you want me to follow your example. I wish it was that easy. The Catch 22 of it all is that she is the one who is pregnant and I am still the one who is not.

So I put it out there to all of you in cyber-space: How do you cope when you are the one last person, amongst all your friends and family, who is still trying?

TTC for 4 Months

Michelle N — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 09:23:00 GMT

Hi, I been trying to conceive for months now, I noticed just before AF is due, my cervix is soft and high and this is not normal for me before AF.....Anyone has some information for me. Is this a sign of early pregnancy? I stil have high temps but AF is due in 6 days. I needs some help please?

"Just forget about it and it will happen!"

Suebaby14 — Fri, 02 Jul 2010 16:48:00 GMT

Ugh...If I hear one more person give me that kind of advice about trying to get pregnant I will scream!!!! If it were only that easy! I WISH I could just forget about it - My life would be so much easier and happier!!!!

I am new to this blogging technology, and new to forums and the like, but reading and hearing all the struggles, pain and encouragement from everyone has got me realizing that maybe this technology is not so bad. As good as it will be to get things off my chest, it will be even better to not be the recipient of some more 'wonderful' advice!!!!

We have been TTC for about 3 years now: 1 year on our own and two years with assistance. We have had 3 IUIs through our fertility specialist...all failed. Needless to say, my morale and chipper personalilty were hidden somewhere because it was just easier to be downing it. Being that I am of the whole body and mind philosophy, I started under-going Acupuncture treatments once a week with herbal medicines (TCM) for our infertility. Although we have still not been lucky, Acupuncture made me feel GREAT!!! I felt more grounded, calm, relaxed and happy - although my real chipper self was still hiding. Luckily my Acupuncturist is a smart woman and a great person - she always asked about my symptoms from week to week, and thanks to her, we found out we had Endo. (stage 2-3) and cysts on my ovaries. I brought this up with our Specialist and surgery was scheudled to remove it all. Now we are back to square one...trying again for another 6 months.

This time though I was tired of feeling sad, upset, helpless and most importantly out-of-control. So I am now taking my BBT and charting! The TCOYF book has already taught me more about my body than I ever have in my 32 years alive! With the charting, I have come to realize that my luteal phase is 9 days - WELL NO WONDER IT HASN'T BEEN WORKING FOR US! We were, from the get-go, at a disadvantage! But I figured it out on my own and I am feeling more motivated to have this baby than I have in the past 3 years...I found a problem which will hopefully be the one that will be fixed and will provide us with our bundle ofl ove!

So now I begin the process again, and I am not sure how I feel about it, but to be honest with you, I have faith...and control this time around!

Clomid Me!

Coach — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 01:18:00 GMT

Well.....this past month was THE month we were going to try one more time naturally.....it didn't work. Looks like I need a boost. I started Clomid Saturday. So far so good. I think I might have had a heat flash this morning but it could just be my mind playing games. I have an ultra-sound the 28th to see what is going on in there! Keep your fingers crossed. I am trying to live as stress free as possible. I am a teacher and so I am feeling stress free for sure right now! I am working out and feeling good about myself. I am really trying to LOVE my husband. To think pleasant happy thoughts. I believe in kharma and positive thinking. I know this will happen and if it does not I will accept it! I pray everyday for positive energy and will continue to do so. SO...CLOMID ME! Ready or not here comes the happy hunting!

The journey continues

lemonbasil — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 18:36:00 GMT

Our journey continues and it's been somewhat frustrating for me. I keep the quote running through my head, "it will be wonderful if it doesn't" it helps, but each month that starts over is getting harder to deal with.

Three weeks ago, we attended the service for the wee one we lost, it was small, maybe 8 or 9 other couples and families in attendance, all in varying stages of grief. The hardest part of it was seeing the tiny white casket that all the wee ones were in together. The site in which they were being put to rest was lovely, under three large old leafy trees on a hillside. As I looked up into the trees, it almost looked like their branches were reaching out to embrace them, that made me feel lots better knowing that even though they are heaven bound and angels already, nature was embracing and protecting them as well.

My husband and daughter helped me through that day, tough as it may be. My husband was my strength, my daughter my light. Someone asked me if this brings closure, only in some ways I think. In the physical loss and saying good bye, yes. With the love in my heart, no, not at all. Both the babies we have lost were in early development, I never got to hear heartbeats, see them or feel them squirm about in my belly. But from the day I knew I was pregnant, a great love grew in that short time. So no, that closure will never be I think. I still cry some days for them both, but I know they are in a better place right now keeping an eye on us.

We have continued hope that we will carry another to term and have additions to our family. Time will tell, but in the meantime we love, we try and we hope. For that will help move us on our journey and hope soon that we will find another someone to enter our hearts.

New group

Star.H — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 23:45:00 GMT

I made a new group called Due In Feb 2011....just letting people know.

Things have been going pretty well. Not throwing up much anymore...I hope that's not a bad sign. Been having lots of loose stools (yeah TMI....sorry) though. Everything I eat seems to shoot right out of me. Wasn't sure if that is a normal pregnancy symptom....but after googling it I guess it is fairly common in your first trimester.

Still trying to stay upbeat and positive. I called the mid-wife I had wanted....had blogged about her before. She is not taking anymore clients after January I cannot really be upset though because she explained to me that she hasn't had a real break from delivering babies in 30 years! If anyone needed a break this women does! I am bummed though cause I really wanted to go with her. I have seen her in action, my sister sees her, and just about every women I know who has done a home birth has used her and loved her.

Oh well. We are going to make an app with my OB and just go from there. He is really good and I like him a lot. I just would like to do a home birth and am a bit unsure how he would feel about that. I cannot foresee him having an issue because he is more like a midwife than an OB. He has all the medical knowledge, but the bedside manner of a midwife. Plus he is a christian which makes it nice. I have been seeing him for over 6 years now. So we have a real good patient/doctor realtionship too.

On a plus side....my insurance will completely cover a home birth as long as I do not get listed as High Risk in my 3rd trimester.

Tomorrow I will be 5 weeks. I really wish I was already 13 weeks so I can relax more and not be so worried. Been praying every day and night (and in between) that the Lord will be gracious and let this baby stay.

So What Will Be Thrown At Me Tomorrow?

CuddleyOne — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 06:42:00 GMT

So, here it is almost two in the morning and I'm in tears. Again this isn't unusual that I'm up at this hour. But, the tears are new. I have been fighting with them all day. And I get the chance to come home, and TRY to relax. Yeah, like that's going to happen for me. I log onto facebook and there is my dad's wife... My step mom and I end up talking.... She drops the bomb.... I know I've went into this a bit before, but now I found out that he's even worse than I thought, than I knew. So, I am as okay with that as I can be. Then she starts lashing out at me about my siblings. She bad mouths them for not calling dad, not stopping by and seeing him, for apparently not caring about him from what she says. But then she goes in about my mom... about how all the other kids (there are 5 kids total) will run to mom when they need help or that they can stop by and call mom when they want. Okay I know that I am an adult, okay so maybe not ALL the time.... But I do try to call my dad as much as I possibly can. But I know that I'm not responsible nor will I be responsible for my other siblings. I guess I'm just venting and crying about the way she's behaved towards me. Dad's wife.... She leaves it in MY LAP to call the rest of my siblings and inform them of dad's health... or the decline of it as one would think. That puts a HUGE stress and strain on me...I have been crying.... non stop for quite some time here.... not really sobbing, just tears rolling down my cheeks. I don't know what else to do, what else to say.... I KNOW this isn't helping my TTC journey. I am so stressed and worried, because she is telling me more about what's going on with dad. I feel so helpless, I feel so useless... My heart is torn between Dad and trying to start a family with my fiance.... All dad has asked from me in the last three years, is another grand child... I cannot even do that for him... I'm afraid that I won't be able to have another lil one before he passes away... Sorry.... just stressed....

tales of the sleepless and jet-lagged

skins — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 14:32:00 GMT

How come I mostly blog when I'm cranky? Must because I have things to get off my chest.

So our alleged "oops" last month resulted in a BFN. I was both disappointed and relieved at the same time. In equal measures. It really wouldn't have been the best timing - we have a huge event coming up at work in mid February, so having a Feb 1 due date would have been pretty inconvenient. But still, I was sad. I was very good, very careful about what I did -- the last part of my TWW was the first part of our vacation, so no alcohol, no hot tubs, etc. etc. Once AF came (sucks to get AF on vaca, dude), I let loose some more and treated myself to wine, champagne and the hot tub/steam room/ sauna at the hotel spa. Which was nice and indulgent.

Speaking of AF arriving on vacation, I can't tell you how much using the Diva Cup has changed my life. In former days I would have totally panicked about having to travel, especially internationally during my period. I had a very unfortunate "leakage" accident during a flight to Europe once and it was highly embarrassing and not fun. I feel freed by the Diva Cup, being able to put it in and forget about it. So easy, and so little to pack! So though AF sucks, especially on vacation, it really was not so bad.

Now we are back from vacation and I'm winding up to O next week sometime, probably W-F sometime. We should begin the BDing this weekend, I think - dependant on when I get my EWCM. I am excited and nervous, but I am also very jet lagged, and that is resulting in a bit of a depression. And that leads to my silly, self-indulgent story of the day.

Last night, DH and I forced ourselves to stay awake until 9pm to combat the jet lag and get readjusted faster. We fell asleep immediately at 9 when we crawled into bed. At 11pm I was woken up by the sound of belching. DH has a pretty sensitive stomach, so it is not uncommon for him to be woken up by gaseous emissions - either from the front end or the back end. I also had happened to leave all the doors open to keep the air flow going - it was quite warm upstairs. I thought about reminding him to close the bathroom doors and our bedroom door if he found that he needed to get up in the night, but I didn't want to be a nag, so I just didn't say anything. Well, he had closed the door between our bedroom and the bathroom, but left open the door between the bathroom and the rest of the upstairs loft as well as the door between our bedroom and the rest of the upstairs loft. The upstairs loft is a large open space with wood floors, and as we just moved into this place, it doesn't have much in the way of furniture or decor. So it is very loud and echoey, a veritable amphitheatre, which perfectly amplified the sound of DH's enormous belches.

This went on for 10 minutes as I got wider and wider awake, and madder and madder. I was so mad, that when he came back to bed, I pretended to be asleep and refused to cuddle up to him. That'll show him. Except that within 10 seconds after he laid back down, he was twitching in that telltale way that meant he was fast asleep. At this point, I was wide awake. it was just after 11pm. I laid there, wide awake until about 2am, listening to him softly snore and murmur happily. First I got madder and madder at him. I thought about waking him up to make him share in my misery. Then I realized that that was stupid, he'd just be tired and and cranky like me in the morning. I tried going downstairs, going online, listening to relaxing music, drinking warm milk, going to the bathroom, etc. etc. I was SO ANGRY that he was sleeping and I was awake and it was his fault that I was awake.

I realized I was never going to fall asleep angry. So I started to list off the things I love about him, like counting sheep, and pretty soon, I put myself to sleep.

Until 4:30am, when he stirred violently, and woke me up again. And again I was wide wide wide awake. So I got 2 blocks of about 2 hours of sleep each.

I realize that I will have to do this type of thing and function properly whith a baby. But the fact is, I do not have a baby, I have a man. And I shouldn't have to deal with this! Blah.

Mostly this is just the jet lag talking. I just want to be able to sleep, get some rest, so that we can enjoy the BDing this weekend! And so that the stress of not sleeping and jet lag won't delay my O! I really am excited about TTC... I just need to get past this temporary malaise to get back to the excitement.

Yes, I am older - SO WHAT!

lemonbasil — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 00:26:00 GMT

This is just something that bothers me to no end, yes, I am almost 40, yes, I have a daughter that is two, and yes, if we can, we'd love to have more. That being said, why do people need to point out that being an older parent isn't desirable?

I was reading the gossip sites this weekend and saw that a famous singer is pregnant with twins after IVF, yeah for her and family I say! What I hated seeing were the comments that people posted to the story about the couples age and their health. Why do people feel the need to let women who are older and pregnant or TTC what their wonderful opinions are? I was sadden to see that one poster had stated "Why would medical staff allow anyone with health issues go through IVF?" (not being able to conceive on their own at that age they stated was the main "health issue" for this couple they felt). That just irritated me to no end and brought me back to what I hear from some people as an older mama and someone who is TTC.

Why do people feel the need to open their mouths and let you know that you are way too old to be having kids? My own family is perfectly fine with my husband and I hoping to grow our family. It hasn't been the easiest journey, but as I stated earlier it's not as rough as what some of you other ladies have gone through and experienced. But what I do have, a sister-in-law that feels it's her place to keep telling me; usually when I am down, that "who in their right mind would ever have a child over 35?!" I am usually sitting right there as she goes on her rant about this and I can't escape. I so would love to scream, that DD of mine that you love so well? Don't forget she was born when I was 37 heading into 38. This woman hasn't yet figured out to be quiet and when the mood strikes her, she will go on and on about older mamas and how she'd "never put herself in that position, EVER". I am so glad that her life has worked out perfectly and in the time frame she allotted herself. Whatever.

Yes, I am a bit flippant about it all. If the world were genuinely perfect, I too would have met my husband when I was younger and I would have all my babies by now. But the world hasn't worked that way for me. I am generally pleased with the way life is coming together for me and us as a family. I met my husband at 34, married at 35 and conceived and lost our first one at 36, had DD at 37 and most recently lost our last one 3 days before I turned 39. Before that time, I had been diagnosed with cancer, so between ages 27 and 32 I was told that I shouldn't try to have children, making sure I went into remission/cured after five years, then I could think about it. I know God has plans for us all, and mine just happens to be on a later schedule then some ladies.

What I really wish is that the world and everyone in it would be just as excited for a woman who is 35+ and TTC/pregnant as they are for a woman at 25 TTC/pregnant. Yes, TTC has its own ups and downs for everyone, but once you get a BFP, you are over the moon, doesn't matter what age you are. Yes, as an older mama, there are more worries during pregnancy, but the medical staffs I have encountered have generally been a big cheering section for me and anyone else I have met in my age group. I come from an older mama and both my grannies had children into their mid 40s without issue, so I know it can be done and have never felt the stigma of being older until recently, usually precipitated by my SILs mouth opening.

So in ending this, I am sorry if I offended anyone, but sometimes it needs to be said. I have met some wonderful ladies on here that are just as excited about their new journeys over 35, so cheer I do. I am also here to cheer on all those mama's and mama's2B that have been in similar situations as me. Know that you are full of moxy, that your kids will keep you young, and that there is hope and excitement in conceiving your wee one. And know that I am in your corner every time you may hear that you are too old, why would you do this and the like. Like everyone else, we'd like to expand the love that's in our hearts and all the hopes to the next little one who'd be happy to receive it. Best wishes to you all and just be happy whenever you hear that anyone is TTC/pregnant no matter what their age. It's an exciting and wonderful time that they chose to share with you!

My eggo is preggo

Star.H — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 22:26:00 GMT

Well after 16 consecutive days of high temps I finally broke down and took a test while in Texas....the day we where driving home in fact...and surprise! Its positive. Just goes to show you that the "oops" of forgetting the condom 2 days before ovulation results in a those wonderful 2 pink lines.

Symptoms are really sore breasts, bloated, fatigue, missed period, throwing up, and having to pee like no other. I am really REALLY hoping this is a good sign that this baby is here to stay! I am also having real bad heart burn. Like I can hardly eat anything with out feeling the burn and it coming back up. This afternoon I threw up in my mouth too....lovely huh?

I have a good feeling about this one! DH and I decided to be really happy and excited about this one right away because no matter how long we get to have this baby....it is a blessing that we are incredibly happy about. I and my family are praying that the Lord will allow this baby to stay and that this pregnancy will be healthy. His will will be done and I know I could lose this one...but I am very hopeful and positive that He will allow us to keep His child. To keep this beautiful blessing.

Please keep me in your prayers that this little bean will be super sticky!

Facing My Reality

CuddleyOne — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 14:14:00 GMT

Okay, I just feel the need to get this out of my system. I found out that my father's disease has progressed... He suffers from a disease that is ravishing his body. It started with his lungs, to his kidneys, to his bone marrow/blood stream, now it's affecting his brain and his eyes. I don't know what to say. We are seperated by over 650 miles. I feel bad that I am so far away, but I know that I made the right decision when I moved away. It's a really long story with the move. But when I found out all I have done is feel really bad... I feel so blue... I'm not sure how long he has left. He may have days or he may have years. But it's the thought that he is dying. All he's asked me for is another grand child and I've not been able to give him that. Three years of trying and not even a false positive... I'm fighting hard not to break down and scare my 10 year old little girl. She has NO idea what's going on. And I'm not sure that I want to share it with her. I'm just not sure what to say, I'm not sure what to do... I just feel numb of sorts... I don't need the stress... I don't need the grief... I feel odd right now... I feel as if I'm starting my period... and I'm only 6DPO... I'm trying to keep my head up, trying to stay positive, trying to not lose it all.... I want to cry and pull the covers over my head and tell the world to go away.... But I know that reality will always find me... that I can never escape it at all.... One day at a time... one step at a time...

seems to be another slap in the face....

Amber86 — Sun, 30 May 2010 11:44:00 GMT

hahahhahahahahhahhha.... so funny. it just makes me go "REALLY, ARE YOU FREAKIN SERIOUS??!!!" Dont tget me wrong, i'm happy for these people. just found out last week a co worker of mine is 9 wks preggo, and to top it off, my dad called me yesterday and told me my 18 year old cousin is 6 wks preggo. WOW!! i am happy for them, ( though i don't know how my cuz is handling this, i know she wasn't trying...) then my dad was like "now everyone in the family is a grandparent except me..... when are yall gonna make me a grandparent??" (no one in my family knows we have been trying, wanted to surprise them when it happens, and didn't want the added pressure.) it is wonderful knowing they have a new life growning inside of them, watching the changes and all. it is kind of neat. and all the prenatal massages i do, seeing my clients preg. and then they come in to show me their new bundle of joy. it is neat. i'm am at peace now, knowing my time will come, it will be when God deems it so. On another note, my godson is getting big. he is 12 lbs. now (doc told my friend to quit feeding him so much. he is only a month old) he is smiling a whole lot more and he is finding his voice, so he coos alot. its so cute!! So figured i would share the news of new life of other people once again. it will happen when it happens!!!!!!!!!!!! Tryin to keep the faith!!!!

Pregnant?

Star.H — Sat, 29 May 2010 00:51:00 GMT

Is in Texas visiting family for a wedding. I am literally surrounded by pregnant women. Seriously. Two of the brides maids are pregnant (one with twins). My sister-in-law is pregnant...............................and I might be too.

Remember oops? I am in the 2ww.....and I have really sore breasts, increased urination, fatigue, period is going to be late if it doesn't come tomorrow, increased appetite, and large doses of nausea.

I will be testing when we get home. We will be driving home Monday. So Tuesday at the earliest. I am in 12 DPO with constant high temps.

Please pray that if i am pregnant that the Lord will allow me to keep this baby. I know its His will and His will will be done....but I really want this one to stay.

Hoping for the best!

Coach — Wed, 19 May 2010 15:08:00 GMT

Ok! It is official. My very first blog. I am a 32 year old Health & Physical Education Teacher and a Coach. My husband and I married in 2007. We met in college in 1999. We have always known we wanted to have kids. It just took a while for us to be "ready." I was on the pill for 12 years! I stopped taking the pill June 2008. We were originally going to try and conceive in 2008. I received a position as a Head Coach for a basketball team in a different district and school. He was totally ready that year and I was too. When I received my promotion, we decided to wait a year so I would not be pregnant as a first year head coach. I stayed off the pill during that time. I knew it can sometimes take a while for the pill to completely exit your system so we utilitized the condom.

We began trying to conceive July 2009. No luck. I decided to see a fertility Dr. in March of 10 due to my age. Before BC I would get some pretty severe cramps. When in high school, I would get painful cramps and would have to stay home. My Mom would tell me I needed to suck it up! Little did she know.........and little did I know. I went on the pill at the age of 18 and cramps disappeared. It was 6 months after being off the pill the cramps came back as severe as they used to be. I had a feeling I had endomitriosis. And so did my fertility Dr. I had surgery April 12, 2010 to find out I was at the start of stage 2 endomitriosis. I had scar tissue in my uterus obstructing one fallopian tube and I had a hemorraghic cyst approximately 6 cm on my ovary. The spring cleaning is complete and we are ready to get after it!

I had been tracking my temperature along the way. A collegue passed the TCOYF book on to me after she charted for 2 months suffering too from endo. She is now preggers along with pretty much everyone else in my building. I believe we have had 10 births in 2 years. It is very frustrating to be around so many expected/early on Mothers when you are trying to do the same thing. At lunch all I hear about is pregnancies and babies. My Assistant was pregnant this past season and we were constantly talking about it. I am very happy for all of these people but it can be very frustrating when everyone around you is easily getting pregnant and you are struggling. Heck, even all the TV shows I watch had pregnant women on! I guess it is so much on your mind you notice it everywhere you go! I was excited when Bill & Juliana (a reality TV show) was having trouble conceiving. I thought...FINALLY! Someone I can relate too!

I just started the second cycle of my period since the surgery. This will be my 2nd month tracking. My progesterone level was a 10 on the 23rd day of my last cycle. Last month, I had an early cycle beginning on day 23. I believe that was from the surgery. This month, I had very light bleeding on day 24, 25, 26, 27 and began my period on day 28. My normal cycle is 28 days. I had very little cervical fluid this past month and I normally have quite a bit. I hope it is just my body recovering from the cyst removal and cleaning. Because my progesterone levels are 10, my Docter would like for me to start clomid. I think I am going to wait one more month. We had a hard time tracking ovulation this month because of the little cervical fluid I did have and learning to "feel" my cervix. I believe I have it figured out now and think we can do this ala' natural! If we do not conceive I am going on the clomid.

I am interested to hear how people who took clomid did. I have one friend that did it. She now has 3 children from it and one that came as a natural oopsie wonderful blessing. I would like to here other stories from other people. I am ready to take this turn in my life. I have myself in the spot of my career I have always dreamed. I work at a wonderful school in a wonderful school district. Four years ago I was not ready to have a child. The last two years I have yearned for it.

You try to do the right things in life and take the proper steps i.e. BC for 12 years. I hope I haven't waited too long to begin my family. I have a strong desire to pass on the genes and create a wonderful human being in God's time! I pray we have done the right thing. I have made mistakes in my life and I know the Lord will bless us in his time. I have always strived to get what I want in life and I usually do. I pray this comes too! I am learning alot about patience let me tell ya!

oops

Star.H — Fri, 14 May 2010 18:37:00 GMT

Well DH and I messed up. We had a lovely wonderful session of love making yesterday afternoon....and both of us totally forgot about the condom . Oops. On a peak fertile day too. I guess we will just have to see in a few weeks if I get a period. My temp went up this morning to 97.6.

I feel stupid, we have been working so hard to ensure that we do not get pregnant until we see this midwife...and then we go and forget the condom.

However, if we do get pregnant I will not be upset...just nervous and scared that we will miscarry again. Every baby is a gift from the Lord, no matter how long I get to keep them. I just honestly do not want to go through another miscarriage...I mean who does?

So I guess we will just have to keep charting and temping and see what happens.

97.3 for 3 days and holding...

Star.H — Thu, 13 May 2010 21:22:00 GMT

Its been awhile. I have been struggling with allergies and anxiety. Yay what a combo Twice in this last week I woke up feeling that if I get out of bed something horrible will happen. Tuesday was so bad that my mom had to come take the kids. Having worked over 4 years with a psychiatrist I know "better" than to feel this way........but it doesn't mean I do not feel it.

On other news...I have been charting my temp. However something fishy seems to be going on. The last 3 days I have had the same temp at 97.3. I have been taking my temp every morning at 7am (have my phone set to go off) and have been getting the standard 3+ hours of sleep before I temp (usually I have at least 7hrs under my belt when I temp). 1st day I had 97.7, next day 97.7, next 97.5, and now 3 days in a row...97.3. I am definitively been having Peak CF since Tuesday, so I suppose I should start seeing an rise soon. Also had some intense ovulation pain on Tuesday. Also now that I am charting I have realized that DH and I have A LOT of !!! I guess I never realized just how often we are getting it on. Lol. Its a good thing

I am not going to get too worried about my temps considering this is my first chart and I didn't start temping until CD12. Hopefully my next cycle chart will show me more and what I need to know. I am hoping to have 3 full charts to take with me when I see the midwife I had been talking about. Tomorrow I am going to the Medicaid office and applying. Since DH still doesn't have steady employment....just odd jobs here and there....we should qualify. She accepts Medicaid and I am really anxious to see her and find out what we can do to be able to start TTC again. I am so hopeful that she can help us to have a safe pregnancy that results in an a baby...not miscarriage. And I want to have a baby so badly.

Babies are everywhere. Seriously.

Happiness comes in bunches

skins — Wed, 12 May 2010 16:11:00 GMT

WOW.

After the way the past few weeks have been, today is just amazing.

First of all, I got and took the job that I posted about last time. (Same company, different project.) I consulted with all of my "working mom" gurus, and determined to take life (and work and pregnancy) as it comes and not worry so much about having it all planned out. The new job is an amazing opportunity for me, plus has the added benefit of getting me out of this hellhole that I'm in at the moment. I am going on vacation the week before Memorial Day, then I'll start the new job right after that, so June 1-ish. that means that I have the rest of this week and all/most of next to get ready to transition out of here. Phew. I am SO excited!!!

In reproductive news, I had my annual gyno exam yesterday. I've begun my care at the birth center, so I was examined by a midwife. It was INCREDIBLE. Best "girly" exam I've ever had, by far. I was comfortable and relaxed. She spent basically a full hour with me, chatting, getting to know me, answering my questions, discussing my concerns. We chatted right through the exam part, and I barely even felt the swab in there! Plus we talked about starting to TTC, and when I left she said she hoped to see me again real soon!! Which brings me to the next piece of news...

WE'RE TTC!!!! I have ovulated on our last TTA cycle, and am now in the good old LP. And even after AF comes again... there will be no more condoms! I am thrilled to my toes (both about the no condoms part and the TTC part. Equally.) I officially started the prenatal vitamins (that i've had for a month) yesterday. :o) I also picked up some fish oil, because the first bottle of prenatals I picked up doesn't have DHA, and the midwife really recommended that. I hate the fish oil (with its fish burps - uck!), so my next bottle will have the stuff already in it. :oP

So the ONLY thing right now (and this isn't really a bad thing), is that... we may have had an oops this month. Well... not really an oops, since I knew I wasn't SURE and we went ahead and ML anyway, but we were technically supposed to be avoiding. What happened was that I flew two redeyes within a week of each other, as I think I mentioned. Crazy travel always messes up my cycle, and this basically dropped a bomb in it. Delayed O and all that. My temps took a nose dive, and only veeeeeeeery sloooooooowly recovered. They kind of stair-stepped up toward normal. When they got back to the normal range, Ovusoft and FF both detected enough of a jump to call it ovulation on CD19. So on CD22, I was feeling frisky, and he was feeling frisky, and I didn't feel like having a condom. I knew that I wasn't real real sure that I had actually o'd (my cervix was still pretty much open), but I figured, hey, we're TTC next month anyway - who cares! And you know what happened then...

The midwife who did my exam told me my cervix was still open yesterday. I'm pretty sure the temp jump on CD21 looks more like ovulation than the one on CD19. Which would put our indiscretion at 1dpo (~9% chance of conception). But... oh well! :o) DH shrugged and said, when will we know?

Two weeks, baby. And get used to it. I see many (but hopefully not TOO many) Two Week Waits in our future.

depo.no.more

mufkes — Mon, 10 May 2010 22:04:00 GMT

This blog is for all of those who chose the depo provera shot before they found out about FAM.

I am new to FAM myself and my last depo shot was in January 2010. I read some things about depo in TTC, and I repied to one post, but so far I haven't heard back. (Probalbly because it was an old post) Anyway, I'd like to know things like, what is the position of the cervix after having been on depo? Does the depo shot affect thyroid function? Does anyone know? Thanks.

Need advice about CF issues.

Star.H — Thu, 06 May 2010 22:33:00 GMT

HELP! I am having issues with my cervical fluid. I am CD9 and I had the normal two days of dry CF after my period. Then Tuesday I had the typical sticky/gummy kind ...but then yesterday (Wednesday) I had in the morning sticky, yellow, gummy CF. In the afternoon I had classic wet, egg white, stretchy CF. I had the egg white CF all afternoon. Then that evening I had creamy, off white lotion looking CF. ????????? What is the deal? Which one do I chart? I probably shouldn't be having the egg white CF yet right? Not at least for another 4-6 days is what I was thinking. Is it common to range between 3 different types of CF in one day???

Then today I was standing in my mom's kitchen had a very sharp strong pain right where my ovaries are. What the??? I shouldn't be ovulating this soon should I? My last 3 cycles where 31 days, 36 (I ovulated late due to some major stress), and then 29. I have only had these 3 cycles since I had my last miscarriage.

I am worried now because DH and I are still trying to not get pregnant, but we have had Tuesday and Monday. Without using condoms. We normally do not use condoms until closer to when I am usually fertile. If I ovulated early....then we had yesterday on a fertile day

Oh sheesh I wish I had my BBT thermometer already and was able to chart my temp changes. And its not that we will be upset if we got pregnant....I just wanted to wait till we worked out my medical issues so to avoid another miscarriage.

At this point we are just going to have to trust in the Lord and put it all in His hands....not like it hasn't been anyway.

If anyone has any insight into this I would really apperciate it! Thank you!

New to FAM

xxxklcandy — Thu, 06 May 2010 18:38:00 GMT

I am brand new to the FAM. I bought TCOYF about two weeks ago, and I am so glad I did. I feel so empowered now that I will be able to understand my body and my emotions throughout my cycle. I started charting right away even though I was near the end of my cycle- I was so excited to get started , I couldn't wait. I've been doing really well taking my temperature every morning and recording the other signs. I keep the chart folded up in my wallet so that I always have it with me- I wish there was a little notebook with the chart in it that I could put in my purse, maybe I'll make my own. My new cycle started 2 days ago- I am looking forward to seeing my cycle start to recover since getting off the pill about two months ago.

Back in December I got some bad news after a pap- and that really hit me hard. In the months before, there were challenges with relationships, family, moving, work and money as well. The stress of it all took its toll on me and I ended up in the emergency room in March. The emotional and physical stress was too much for my little body- I hit rock bottom. Once I got better, I realized that I needed to start taking better care of myself and making better choices. Including getting off the pill, which I believe was contributing to my anxiety, migraine headaches and who knows what else. All the bad things that happened made me realize just how much I want to be a mama someday- more than anything. I guess you never realize how precious your reproductive health is until it is threated.

Here I am now in May, doing and feeling much much better. I've been exploring ways to stay positive and be healthy. I joined a gym and see a trainer twice a week and have been exploring yoga, meditation and crystal healing/ stone therapy. I just passed the two year mark of being a vegetarian/ vegan, added more natural body products to my cabinet, and I have been back to the doctor for follow-ups. Things are looking up I'm glad to say, and I am going to try to continue to think positive and make good choices so that I can acheive the things I want most. I think the FAM is just what I need and that it will be a blessing to me!

Tick Tock......

Amber86 — Thu, 06 May 2010 01:07:00 GMT

Now that i am charting, the days seem to go by soooooooo slow. all i seem to think about is "oh, i wish the day would go faster so i can wake up to take my temp!") And waiting for ovulation. aaggghhhh. it is amazing how mind consuming thinking about having a baby is. All the pregnant people you see, all the friends that are having their babies right about now (that weren't even trying!!!) all the pregnancy test commercials that come on when you have that waiting time to test, all the cute baby clothes in the store. All the wonderful stuff. i feel like i'm going just a little crazy. i know my husband and i haven't been trying too long compared to other people (almost 1 1/2 years) but of course to me it feels like an eternity. we talked about it before we decided to start trying, that it might not happen right away, but it is hard not to get down. i do have to say that i am past the point of being so disappointed in getting AF that i fall bawling on the bathroom floor, and now if i actually do get pregnant, i will be shocked!!! i guess i will have to be content right now with my god son who was born 2 weeks ago, helping my friend with him whenever they need me to. i guess that is enough blah blah for now. it will happen when it happens.

It will be wonderful if it doesn't

lemonbasil — Wed, 05 May 2010 17:25:00 GMT

I was cleaning off my desk today and ran across something I had written down, just weeks after I miscarried.

"One more time. Not because it won't be terrible if it happens again, but because it will be wonderful if it doesn't."

This I found on a website talking about TTC after miscarrying, a husband talking to his wife. I shared it with my husband at the time, tears quickly sprang forward and he said let's try again when you are ready. Well, we both are ready, and have been trying. And running across this made me think of then and what we were dealing with and now on our newest journey.

We haven't had the easiest of journeys and I know there are lots of couples who have longer and harder stories to tell and I grieve with you when you grieve. Loosing a child is the hardest thing ever, it doesn't matter if you are a few days pregnant or lots further ahead. You still develop all sorts of feelings and love for the little one growing inside of you. We have now lost two in early weeks of pregnancy. This most recent one was harder to deal with. I am not sure why, could it be my age? Could it be that I see my little one who is two running all over the place and know that we'd like to produce a life long friend for her? I am not sure. When I was told, I actually had gone in for my first appointment with the doctor at 10 weeks. I met with her, she was doing the quick ultrasound and said, "gee, I am never really good w/these" and sent me on to have two ultrasounds right then and there. I came back to meet w/my doctor who told me the news. She was crying as she told me the news that there was no heartbeat and growth had stopped a few weeks before. I think she was waiting for me to break down right there. I didn't. With bad news, it usually takes me a while to process and then I am a mess.

Three days before my birthday I had my D&C, it was hard in the respect I was going into a clinic seeing all sorts of mama bellies knowing I'd be coming out empty handed. My husband and daughter came with that day to wait for me and take me home. Right before I left them, my little one came up and kissed my belly, that was one of the hardest things to do was let her kiss my belly one last time.

In a month's time we will attend a burial for the remains of our dear little one. Our hospital participates in the SHARE program and twice yearly they perform a burial for those pregnancies lost early. We attended their memorial service at Christmas which helped us through that time, we brought an ornament to place on the hospital Christmas trees that they will put out each year. We brought one for our first loss as well. It was phenomenal to see the parents that still return years after their loss. Some of them told me it made them happy to do this for their little ones not with them.

As we TTC number two out of four, maybe luck will be on our side. I keep hoping it will. This time we are under the same roof, we weren't with the first child we loss and with our current little one, though married, we were living in two different cities to remain employed, working in TTC on weekends. With the third pregnancy we had hoped to time it just right, we got pregnant within two cycles of trying, the wee one just didn't develop right. I still worry, the fear of loosing yet another, the weight I put on worrying, the lack of extra income, how will we do this, but we know we'd love to add to our small family and I have to set those worries aside and trust that it will all turn out in the end. Those words echo in my head, "it will be wonderful if it doesn't" and that keeps us wanting to continue on our journey to try. So here is hoping and praying that we will be able to welcome another and perhaps others to our small family. And wishing all those on a similar journey the best of luck.